How to stop feeling low about yourself

It is not worth the while to let our imperfections disturb us always.
― Henry David Thoreau

Sometimes, only you know how you feel. And sometimes it doesn’t even make sense why you are feeling so. At times, it is filled with confusion as to what you are feeling exactly. The extent of your own feelings. But all you know is you are feeling low. You are feeling down. You don’t feel like doing anything. You cannot articulate in words the magnitude of this pain. The unpleasantness of it. All you want to do is get rid of it for it is too hard to bear this pain of feeling low. 

 

If there was a single reason, we could have solved it. However, there are multitude of reasons in different strata that peeling it feels like peeling an onion. Each layer is painful and tearful. There might not be any other way for us now, we assume. We feel like an imposter in our own skin. There is no better us. There is no better way. There is no better future for us. Everything will remain as it is now. I know. I can relate. You wouldn't want me to repeat like them again and again.  But why does this pain keep on repeating? Why does it keep on reminding us that again and again? What does it want from us exactly? Will it be happy only when it finally rips our soul apart? Where are all these feelings coming from? If we keep on pondering, we can find its origin.

 

If we look back when we were children, we had literally nothing. We didn't know anything, we didn't know how to do anything. The concept. The idea. The philosophy. We know nothing about it. Yet we were so happy. We were in peace with ourselves. Living our best life with few worries every now and then. We were so focused in life. We wanted to grow big. We couldn't wait to grow big.

 

I too couldn't wait to grow big when I was small. I didn’t have any worries whatsoever. I remember back in primary level, when I used to read my school's yearly book which contained articles from students from primary level till secondary level. I was a kid then and whenever I used to come across my seniors' poems of how they used to say growing up is not as beautiful as you think, it is painful; I couldn't process the fact. I wondered what would happen all of sudden that you become so sad. What could cause that kind of sadness? Little did I know. 

 

Now that I have grown sufficiently big than that time, I can understand what they mean. I don't want to terrify anyone but I think we have all been there as adults. When we don't know what we are doing, how much we are doing? Is it good? Is it enough? Why does it feel so lacking? The pressure. The judgement. The expectations. And the worse of all, we can find the nagging person within us who tells us this is not enough. This is not good. You are doomed. Look at everyone and look at you. What are you going to do? 

 

I think all these feelings came because now we know what are expectations. The pressure, the expectation, the labels, the need, the desire of wanting, the desire of needing to be everything. It has made us question ourselves time and again. We are never good enough. We can never be good enough. Because we know very well now to compare ourselves with others. We know how to judge ourselves. And we sure do know how to judge others too. Everything is either good or bad. And things stay there in that label forever. So, now going through low phases, our own heart has turned against us. We believe we will remain like this forever. This is the end for us the narrative repeats. But no, that is not the end.

 

Because no matter what stage of life,  we all feel same when we are hurt and because of this we all deserve love. Whether we are in good place or not, whether we are comfortable with ourselves or not irrespective of stage we are in life,  what we feel. We all deserved to be loved. Our heart craves for it and with love, our heart can beat peacefully. Because our heart itself is naturally loving. If I were to come to you and say I am feeling low, your heart will naturally try to console me. It is very kind and warm. If you were to come to me, I would do the same too.

 The sad part is when it comes to us we are unable to do the same. Our heart becomes tough when it comes to us. It is hard for us to shower ourselves with same amount of care. An unimaginable feat to attain for ourselves. Nevertheless, the fundamental truth still remains that we deserved to be loved and accepted. Afterall, it is what we want the most. The feeling of acceptance. 

 The reason it is hard for us to accept ourselves is due to the fact that we have lived with us for the longest time. We constantly judge ourselves by comparing ourselves with labels, expectations and pressure. We constantly judge ourselves with what others think of us and what we think of us. We are as good as what others think of us. That is quite distorted way to take life because we can never please everyone always. If we were to do things that way, we lose in contact with our own authenticity. That’s why we often feel low. For we are never high from others' standards including ours.

 But if we were to judge us, as we are right now, we will do a great deal of injustice to ourselves. It is like taking all of our essence and judging us in this instant because of our feelings right now that already makes us feel so unworthy. Remember the time, when your smile lightened someone’s day. The random act of kindness you did is still remembered by that very stranger. Your family member is happy just because you exist. There are so many people who love you than who don't. Remember the time you thought you couldn’t do. You didn't know where you were headed yet you persisted and look at you here now who has overcome such a big deal of obstacles. It will be a great deal of injustice to judge you on the basis of some parameters only. When you have lived your whole life trying to make it work. It will be a great deal of injustice my friend, you to judge yourself for only one or two things in front of your whole life you lived.

 So, whenever you feel stuck or feel low, remember it will be a great deal of injustice to stop now just because of doubts and fear. It will overshadow  all the times you have fought so gallantly. It will be injustice to yourself when you have fought battles that were tougher than this. All alone. These feelings that are trying to make you fall into illusion that everything you are doing is worthless. But it isn't. Everything is aligned to fall perfectly in one place. 

Little do these feelings know, all these battles are evolving you into stronger person that these feelings cannot see. It is okay to feel so sometime. Unlike these feelings that tell us; to do more, to be more, to have more.

 

This need to be confident, the pressure to have it all, the expectation to have perfection to core. The need to work the hardest till we break ourselves is more pronounced when we are feeling low. If only, we can be more confident, if only we can fake it more, we won't feel so low. To be honest, this constant pressure can suffocate us at times. We all have been there. But during times like these what we can remind ourselves is that we don’t have to be everywhere and have everything. Don’t get it twisted. It doesn’t imply we are perfect and we don’t need to change. However, what I firmly believe now is, we can change by 360 degrees and still don’t have to disown ourselves. We can still be us. Isn't it a wonderful feeling? 

All this while the need to have more, be more pushes us into narrative we are already lacking, we are not good as we are. However, we can  choose to change and still can choose that we won't give up on our soul. This opens us to acceptance that we have been longing all this while. This makes us realise there are some parts of us that are still beautiful. We aren't as inherently bad as these feelings tell us. When we choose to be us authentically, it also helps us appreciate ourselves more of all the traits that make us uniquely different. That we have been neglecting. And the most beautiful part, it was within us all this time

Often, it’s not about becoming a new person, but becoming the person you were meant to be, and already are, but don’t know how to be.
― Heath L. Buckmaste

Remember, in the end, we still get to be us, and that is the most wonderful thing. The feel of our own skin. I don’t feel like that is something to feel low about. We can be in our own skin and still strive to make changes without abandoning our soul. We are as we are. There are parts of us that are still beautiful, that makes someone giddy about us, our charm that we fail to see. Even if we don’t believe we have it, we still have our heart beating for us who still believes in the person inside us. The judgement from others and even ours cloud these attributes that define us wholly. So, it is time we stop listening to others' judgement.That means sometime you also have to stop listening to your judgement and let everything go. And be happy that you exist in your own skin, your own flesh and your own blood. 

Remember you always get to be you no matter wherever you go, whatever you do and whatever the thoughts tell you that you aren’t as good. And that my friend is not something low. Something lacking. Something unworthy. You are already magnificently beautiful as you are. Don't settle yourself for less. Everything you do adds a personal touch of you that reminds others that it is your work. It is you. And you are wonderfully beautiful the way you are. Sooner or later, you will realise this. Till then don’t ever disown yourself. 

for once, you believed in yourself. you believed you were beautiful and so did the rest of the world.
― Sarah Dessen

 

Next time, you feel low about yourself, your work, your existence, remember that you can change it or you can take it slow even take rest in between and you still get all the liberty to be yourself while you are changing yourself. You get to be you and there is no one like you. You have something to offer as you are. And whatever you become later, it will still be you in the end. As beautiful as you already are.