The strive to become the best or even better

In life, we all are in our own quest of striving to become the best or even better. It is the ultimate place we are aiming and working for. We think it must feel good when we reach there but the question is when and how we are going to reach there. How does it feel like to be there? Will we ever reach there? So many thoughts surround these three words “becoming the best”. I ponder on these questions a lot too.

So, how does it feel like to be the best? Well, I don’t really know myself. I don’t think I’ve really been there. But do I beat myself out because of it? Yes, very much. Things that become good feel mundane. Things get better, I’d look for ways how it wasn’t that much of a good thing. Things get best then I feel like it if it was that best. This whirlpool of dissatisfaction. But if I look at my life, there are certain times when I feel at the best. When I fully devote my time to certain things and I feel joy while doing it. When work resonates with me, I feel at my greatest. When I just sit in the sun watching the world passing by. When there aren’t any obligations. When I’m free. When I choose what I’ll do, how can I work, what I learned. When I am also obligated to do something and I finish before the deadline. The time invested in doing. The time invested in relaxing. The time invested in learning new things. The time invested in reading. The time invested in the joy of every little communication with loved ones. The time invested in giving and receiving blessings. It seems things are contraindicating isn’t it? I feel good when I’m doing. Then I feel good even when I’m relaxing. That’s because those are the times when I am not thinking of perfecting my tasks.

Because as much as we are striving to become the best, being best has its merits and sadly demerits too. It strives us to give our best, to push beyond limits, to be amazed by our own skills. But the problem comes when we beat ourselves for not being the best despite efforts. Problems come when we try to be best in every aspect of life. Because only efforts wouldn’t change the result in some circumstances. Because we can’t be best in so many things at the same time. And because everything is not in our control. We eventually have to come in peace with that. I am not against not attempting to be the best nor have anything on someone who is best. Because being best pushes us to do more and to what we can do best of our limit. But being best often makes us focus more on results for us to be satisfied. We want to excel to best of our limits in every tasks we do.I am sure we have overwhelmed ourselves in certain points of life. So if being the best isn’t the solution, what is it? How about being better? Being best leaves us little room of improvement. Better suits us because we grow and evolve each day. And we cannot possibly be at best in every aspect of life. It is unreasonable, burdensome and detrimental to health. While we are focusing on one task, it is at the expense of the other one so it is harder to be better at both at the same time. It doesn’t mean to let go and just focus on one task. Life doesn’t work that way, isn’t it? Maybe little, one at a time. It is to stop getting hard on ourselves sometime. So it doesn’t matter even if we aren’t in best form for now, if instead we strive to keep bettering ourselves.

Best does seem to be zenith but I’d think the other way around. Things keep changing. What we thought best at one time may not be the same now like scientific innovations. So if people hadn’t looked for better ways, we wouldn’t have come this far. Same goes with our thinking, our behavior and our attitude. When we strive to be better, we are students of life. Life keeps teaching us. When we strive to be the best, we become masters of life and life cannot teach us anymore. We just stop growing. Maybe we would be more unhappy than how we are right now. The actual growth is a journey. So don’t worry, think of yourself as a plant. Keep growing. Keep doing despite bad weather. Keep learning, keep asking. It’s okay even if you don’t know now. Let’s keep forever growing instead of arriving at a hypothetical scenario which doesn’t exist and which takes the soul out of our life. We can now start every task that appears huge if it just to better ourselves from yesterday. To work on our tasks instead of being heavily dependent on results only. To learn. To find the thrill in learning. And in it, we will find joy in living.

However, being better is quite a tricky concept. Better implies better than what? It is a comparison. But with whom? With others? No, it doesn’t mean to be better than others. In this competitive world we have unfortunately succumbed to this whim of comparing ourselves with others. I think if we keep on trying to be better than anyone else we go into this eternal competition of nothingness and never be satisfied even a bit. There will be some people who are better than us always. But being better shouldn’t apply to being productive only. We can be better in terms of our thoughts and take this particular scenario in a better way. Instead of looking at people as competition, we can look at them as inspiration.

Now, we know it isn’t to be better than others. So is it to be better than ourselves? Yes, it is. There is certain joy in working upon us as we pass through this journey of life. We learn, we grow and we thrive. The idea of being better than ourselves can be confusing as it can imply we are lacking in first place. But it also doesn’t have to be that way. We can be better at loving ourselves, adjusting to scenarios, living fully focusing on now for life is now. Being better shouldn’t necessarily be looked at in terms of narrow aspects only. For instance, look at how the cells in your body are replaced each day. How you are already a better version of yourself from yesterday. How there is no limit to your growth, your learning. How dynamic your soul is. How it isn’t just limited to one parameter. So, we can be better in so many ways. Even if we don't seem to be good at something let's remind ourselves that we are already a different person than yesterday and accept ourselves. And being better shouldn’t be pursued and confused for being the best. Progress is better than perfection.

It also doesn’t mean making no mistake in the quest of being better. We might blame again if we aren’t getting better than what we were yesterday. It is however being better at being kind to ourselves to realize mistakes aren’t something that should hold us back. Mistakes are there to teach us. What we learn from mistakes lead us to better ways to do, better way to think and a better life in the end. Being better also motivates us to move forward. We would try to learn new things to be better instead of pressuring to become the best. The idea of doing tasks the best way can lead to procrastination too. Being better enables us to keep going even if our feet are shaking a little if it is for betterment. So, it’s time we look for what thoughts that are holding us back and look for ways, we can work bettering ourselves. Challenges aren’t set back; they mould us into better shape.

However, there can be no parameter to define what is better indeed. Better seems endless and what ways are we to be satisfied? The very fact can lead to more stress. Better means we have to do more than good and at times we can’t seem to do neither good nor better. It is when we should remember

It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all – in which case, you fail by default. —J.K. Rowling

So, the idea is not to be hard on ourselves. We can learn from our mistakes and take one step slowly at a time and celebrate our small victories in between. It is to pat our own back for every little victory we have. It is to be better at maintaining too. Being better doesn't only mean to move forward. It takes a great deal in maintenance as well. It is to get satisfied in achievement of every minor task instead of getting stuck in this endless loop of bettering ourselves. If we ever get stuck up let’s remember these wise words.

Life is a tragedy when seen in close-up, but a comedy in long-shot.-Charlie Chaplin

We should also know when to stop. How I can say that confidently is because it’s from my own experience. I also keep on being hard if I don’t do better. Then I realize I am just trying to become perfect in the name of getting better. It can be easily disguised as being better in order to be best. Again, the idea is not to beat yourself for not being perfect. Being perfect does more harm than good. So, when I remind myself that I let go of the irrational expectation of perfecting without flaws because I would find flaws anyway and never get satisfied. Letting go of that unrealistic expectation provides me so much relief.

When to stop eventually depends on where we are putting effort too. In some places, we do need to find closure. What are we trying to be better at? If it is people pleasing, we can’t. And there are many other aspects which aren’t in our control like pleasing people. So we should be mindful of our thoughts and our actions in between. We should come in terms when we can take this quest excessively too. Then during that time, it would be better for us to relax and stop being hard on ourselves.

It’s time we breathe in now and let’s focus on this present moment and work on being a better version of ourselves. It’s not a bad thing to keep improving ourselves. It’s time to stop beating ourselves for not being best at every little thing. Let’s accept ourselves and strive to be a better version. Let’s celebrate our existence. Let’s give in to learning each day. Let’s strive to keep bettering ourselves. Let’s strive to love ourselves. Let’s strive to be kind to ourselves. Let's strive to give ourselves some breaks in between. Let's strive to let go of the belief that only achievements mean something about me. Let’s strive to keep going. Let’s strive to be better than to be best. Let's stop being hard on ourselves for not being the best instead let's applause ourselves for our efforts to keep going. Let’s be students in our life. True education goes far beyond school. Let’s keep evolving.

This mentality of bettering myself has helped me a lot and made me strive to become better. I hope it helps you too. I hope my article The strive to become the best or even better helps you. I have written similar articles How to not let others limit your potential and How to be productive during quarantine . Feel free to go through them too. Thank you.
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